i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
