If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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