halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
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