when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
