Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
