Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
