I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
