***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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