I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize