happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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