Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
