I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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