2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
