My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
