I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize