If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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