i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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