the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize