you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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