just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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