so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
cat food counts as protein by the way
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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