Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
