tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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