3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm always down for nudity.
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