Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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