ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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