***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
