She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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