I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
