pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
This baby is an asshole
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
