so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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