I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
