Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
