five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
