If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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