every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My feet surprised me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
