We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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