My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
