Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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