I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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