I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
