Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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