I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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