wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
