she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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