ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
