She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
