I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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