Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
