At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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