If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
third nipple confirmed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
