your parents love me but you hate me
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
