She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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