We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
