Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
