can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
