I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
