Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
