Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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