One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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