Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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