All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
