I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
