Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you guys were way drunker than both of me
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize