plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize