so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
