I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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