I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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