I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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